Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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