don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
