Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
