dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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