I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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