FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
