dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
