I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
