i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
