I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
