Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He shit in the fireplace
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
