Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
