there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
