i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
