fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize