god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
