batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
