apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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