like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
