oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
