She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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