So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
