you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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