I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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