The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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