You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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