Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
