Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
