I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
