problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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