Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
