It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
