booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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