he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
