So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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