you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I deserve this hangover.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
