I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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