I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
