So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
