1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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