My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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