So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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