Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
