If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
