It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
