dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
