Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
