How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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