i think i have herpe
just one?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
