is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
