JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
