Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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