This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
