So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
