he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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