No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
