i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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