one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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