oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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