need another drink. this is the easiest way
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
