I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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