He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
