week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
