I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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