Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
