bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
