I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
