I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
