At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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