the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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