coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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