Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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