Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
