I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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