it wasn't lemon gatorade
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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