Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
