I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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