just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
